Frog Symphony

Gramma,

The spring frog symphony has arrived.  Warm up begins around nine, working up to a crescendo about 11:00.  This is one of my favorite sounds.  It takes away the constant noise in my head and redirects it to a magic place where nothing matters, almost like laughing gas.  Yesterday it rained, so the air was intoxicating, an amazing pairing of sound and smell.  I lay in bed, euphoric as I drift off to sleep. 

My mind races most of the time, much like the  breaking of billiard balls on a pool table--off in every direction, free associating forward, backward and sideways in time.  There is background music with this, most often an Italian piece that drives me up the wall.  I could take more meds, but I don't want more side-effects. 

My nighttime bi-polar cocktail would take a horse to the ground.  I can't sleep without it.  Even so, I wake up any time after two, and often need a booster to help me get back to sleep.  Before I had my dosage upped, I often heard indiscernable voices, like a radio between stations.  I could tell what kind of music it was and when there were commercials or the announcer was talking, but nothing  clear, too much static. 

Another of my favorite sounds are the windchimes hanging from shepherds hooks around the yard.  This too, takes away the pervasive racket in my head.  Chirping birds at the feeder below my window is a calming morning distraction.  The smell of fresh cut grass and new mown hay is  therapeutic.  If these feelings of serenity could be bottled, we would all be happy. 

I love the smell of pot, but ingesting it makes me dopey, incoherent and worst of all, inert.  Unproductive is intolerable for me.  The kids found my night time baked goods under my bed and that was the end of that.  Dave always asks first before eating any cookies stored in the freezer.  Some of my friends are incredibly functional on high dosages pot, others, not so much.  Beer helps. 

When I'm on my way off the planet, I want these sounds and smells to herald my exit.  And mainline the beer please.  I look forward to the day I am greeted by all the animals I loved and can again apologize to those I failed.  Meanwhile, I am sustained by these little bits of heaven.