Annual Chili Feed

Gramma,

Our annual Chili Feed is a biker camping event.  We rent the whole park for the weekend, a beautiful wooded area with acres of camping available.  No adults are banned from this event and some of the locals show up for the all inclusive price of unlimited free beer.  They often stick out like a sore dick.  More often than not, it is windy and rains, but that doesn't dampen the spirits. 

It's never a good idea to fall asleep or pass out during anything involving alcohol.  The guy nearest the lake had his tent stakes pulled out so that when he stood up in the morning, the wind blew his tent skyward.  With vertigo and a hangover, the not-yet-awake man with no tent stakes battled his way out.  The tent ballooned, flying across the lake like a tumbleweed.  A guy wearing boots should not try to chase a tent across a lake. 

My lipstick color inspired my friends to call me Boozo the Clown.  If you are throwing this party, you should plan on not sleeping.  A new club member violated this law, and woke up half naked with lipstick drawn arrows suggesting in and out orifices.  He should not have engaged Tequila Girl to a drinking challenge.  She has a reputation. 

"If you're going to hang with the guys, you're going to drink like the guys," he said.  "Okay," she said.  "Let's go."  When he pulled out a bottle of tequila, he thought he had her.  One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.  Eventually, he was puking his guts out.  When he finished, she took another shot for good measure, then sallied up to the bar. 

A local, wearing a striped shirt and a bowtie, stalked her through his glasses.  She was wearing a short skirt, spike heels, and a scant top.  She had mastered the art of riding on the back of a bike in this attire.  "Wow," he said hopefully.  He asked if she would please let him talk to her.  She said no.  Bikers looked on in amusement.  "Please," PeeWee begged. 

"I'll buy you one if you talk to me while you drink it."  She summoned Smitty, the bartender.  He shook his head, knowing how this was going to go down.  In one gulp, it was gone.  She turned and walked away, pinching his ass on the way out.