Gramma,
They guys taking money at the gate have plenty of time to eat, drink, and screw off. One of their adult kids is running naked through a nearby field. He has someone with a video camera documenting his life for him. I don't know what he's on, but I don't want some of that. I have enough behavioral issues of my own.
There is an outdoor shitter, a camper, and a picnic table at the gate. While Pus Gut was in the shitter, two club members tipped it over so the door was facing the ground. There sure was a lot of yelling and pounding. He emerged covered in blue toilet juice. Pus Gut's new name is Papa Smurf. Pus Tit and Pus Gut are not amused. He has no change of clothes. How stupid are you? Well then, it is their kid bounding naked through the weeds.
The local police keep close tabs on the party by driving through the campground several times a day. They step it up at night and like to make sure the wet t-shirt contest goes off without a hitch. Other more nefarious bike clubs show up looking for trouble. They are allowed in for the steep discount of free. It's just easier that way. They assess the fun quotient, eat chili, drink beer and leave, all without cracking a smile.
Mid afternoon is game time, fueled by alcohol, and sweetened by a money pot. Slow races involve riding your bike to the finish line with someone on the back. You may not stop or put your feet on the ground. The field is not flat, There are gopher mounds and rocks. The last person wins.
For the balloon toss, water filled balloons are lobbed over a bar that the bike rolls under. The person on the back is in charge of lobbing. Teams go one at a time. When you miss, you are out. Nothing quite like a couple of drunk guys on a bike trying to win. Men don't usually ride bitch at these events, but they are the crowd favorites. The guy throwing is facing backwards.
During the weenie bite, a hot dog is suspended from an overhead bar. The person on the back is supposed to bite off as much as possible. A lot of wieners meet the face, but not the mouth. The crowd is jeering and cheering. It's all fun and games until someone gets an eye is poked out.
I like to sneak off and get in a beer enhanced nap so I can stay up for the evening stunts. When I get in the car, the pet store box with the mice inside is chewed open and they are on the loose. Ugh. I have to catch the little fuckers before I can sleep. I took them to their intended destination--Junior's tent. I am one-upping him for something he has done to me, plus he is fun to fuck with. He hates mice.
Showing posts with label camping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label camping. Show all posts
Friday, June 17, 2016
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
Annual Chili Feed
Gramma,
Our annual Chili Feed is a biker camping event. We rent the whole park for the weekend, a beautiful wooded area with acres of camping available. No adults are banned from this event and some of the locals show up for the all inclusive price of unlimited free beer. They often stick out like a sore dick. More often than not, it is windy and rains, but that doesn't dampen the spirits.
It's never a good idea to fall asleep or pass out during anything involving alcohol. The guy nearest the lake had his tent stakes pulled out so that when he stood up in the morning, the wind blew his tent skyward. With vertigo and a hangover, the not-yet-awake man with no tent stakes battled his way out. The tent ballooned, flying across the lake like a tumbleweed. A guy wearing boots should not try to chase a tent across a lake.
My lipstick color inspired my friends to call me Boozo the Clown. If you are throwing this party, you should plan on not sleeping. A new club member violated this law, and woke up half naked with lipstick drawn arrows suggesting in and out orifices. He should not have engaged Tequila Girl to a drinking challenge. She has a reputation.
"If you're going to hang with the guys, you're going to drink like the guys," he said. "Okay," she said. "Let's go." When he pulled out a bottle of tequila, he thought he had her. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Eventually, he was puking his guts out. When he finished, she took another shot for good measure, then sallied up to the bar.
A local, wearing a striped shirt and a bowtie, stalked her through his glasses. She was wearing a short skirt, spike heels, and a scant top. She had mastered the art of riding on the back of a bike in this attire. "Wow," he said hopefully. He asked if she would please let him talk to her. She said no. Bikers looked on in amusement. "Please," PeeWee begged.
"I'll buy you one if you talk to me while you drink it." She summoned Smitty, the bartender. He shook his head, knowing how this was going to go down. In one gulp, it was gone. She turned and walked away, pinching his ass on the way out.
Our annual Chili Feed is a biker camping event. We rent the whole park for the weekend, a beautiful wooded area with acres of camping available. No adults are banned from this event and some of the locals show up for the all inclusive price of unlimited free beer. They often stick out like a sore dick. More often than not, it is windy and rains, but that doesn't dampen the spirits.
It's never a good idea to fall asleep or pass out during anything involving alcohol. The guy nearest the lake had his tent stakes pulled out so that when he stood up in the morning, the wind blew his tent skyward. With vertigo and a hangover, the not-yet-awake man with no tent stakes battled his way out. The tent ballooned, flying across the lake like a tumbleweed. A guy wearing boots should not try to chase a tent across a lake.
My lipstick color inspired my friends to call me Boozo the Clown. If you are throwing this party, you should plan on not sleeping. A new club member violated this law, and woke up half naked with lipstick drawn arrows suggesting in and out orifices. He should not have engaged Tequila Girl to a drinking challenge. She has a reputation.
"If you're going to hang with the guys, you're going to drink like the guys," he said. "Okay," she said. "Let's go." When he pulled out a bottle of tequila, he thought he had her. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Eventually, he was puking his guts out. When he finished, she took another shot for good measure, then sallied up to the bar.
A local, wearing a striped shirt and a bowtie, stalked her through his glasses. She was wearing a short skirt, spike heels, and a scant top. She had mastered the art of riding on the back of a bike in this attire. "Wow," he said hopefully. He asked if she would please let him talk to her. She said no. Bikers looked on in amusement. "Please," PeeWee begged.
"I'll buy you one if you talk to me while you drink it." She summoned Smitty, the bartender. He shook his head, knowing how this was going to go down. In one gulp, it was gone. She turned and walked away, pinching his ass on the way out.
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