Witches Ball

Gramma, 

Happy Halloween.  Saturday night's annual Witches Ball was a success.  The bike club and some of the Christmas cookie exchange group were in attendance.  My floors are covered with leaf litter and footprints.  Despite rain much of the day, the guys were able to get a bonfire going with a blow torch. 

Blood spurted from a steak stuffed into the neck of the headless guy.  I warned him to step away from a quilt that had taken months to make.  The flasher's interpretive dance included a stuffed pantyhose appendage, which Freddy Krueger tried to filet.  The priest and nun were unsuccessful at saving souls. 

Two zombie girls spent hours in the upstairs bathroom doing their makeup.  They didn't even take a break to refresh beverages.  I checked on them to make sure they weren't locked in.  The temperamental door intermittently requires someone from the outside to open it.  That can be scary in an unfamiliar house with a haunted reputation.  The noise coming from the Halloween village on the main floor drowned out the screaming and door pounding coming from upstairs. 

One of the cookie exchange girls showed up late, drunk and disorderly.  A big joint was hanging out of her mouth.  She is not a big pot smoker, but thought it would be cool to ask people for a light.  Her ex-husband-to-be had been a club member, but was kicked out for causing too many mandatory meetings with the Hell's Angels,  Girlfriend did not help his cause.  It is bad form to criticize another club when you are at a party on their turf. 

She decided to kiss all the guys around the fire, claiming it was her birthday and she could do as she pleased.  She was also dancing around in dark corners with a member who was there with his girlfriend.  This too, is bad form.  She will not be invited to anymore events where club members are present.  I was glad when her driver dragged her out to the car.  I would imagine she is still recovering.  Drunkeness and diabetes is not a good combination. 

Family drama kept another couple away.  The evil drunken mother of two grandchildren threw the family dog out of a moving truck.  Then she tried to choke her ex-husband, threatening to kill him and get custody of the kids.  This is while he was driving.  The kids were screaming.  They told the police they never wanted to see her again. 

One of the cookie exchange girls and her husband were headed to North Dakota to support the pipeline protest.  Otherwise, almost everyone showed up.  Two of the dogs were dressed as wieners.  Two were sent to their boxes for trying to mark guests as their territory. 

As witches arrived, I was just getting out of the shower.  There wasn't time to put on some Christmas music.  I should have gotten up earlier, but we were out late the night before celebrating at a surprise birthday party. 

A friend spent the night and helped put food away.  It had taken me all month to prepare for this event.  Sunday was spent on the couch watching bad t.v.  Then the Packers lost by one point.  I shouldn't have chosen to watch NatGeo after that.  Seeing the planet destruct from global warming is the stuff of nightmares. 

The gates are open for brave trick-or-treaters,  It is over fifty degrees here in the northwoods.  As I can't keep candy in the house without it disappearing, the kids are getting mardi-gras beads.  The grandkids will be here next weekend to help take down the mess.  Their next visit will be to install Christmas, much less involved than Halloween. 

Men Behaving Badly

Gramma,

Tuesday morning I looked at my phone.  My daughter had texted at 10:38 p.m. that Trashcan was arrested.  He had come to her condo, believing that he had a right to be there.  They both called the police. 

I asked for details.  She was at the courthouse and didn't have anything to report.  Her boss was being a jerk about her being off work again.  Trashcan had called him and the corporate office to alert them that she was doing meth.  We joked that as long as she showed up and did her job, it didn't seem to be a problem. 
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Girlfriend stopped in to help make plans for my annual Witch's Ball.  Halloween happens to be her birthday.  She chastised me for not wearing my foot brace.  My foot is not doing well.  Later, she called to say that her boyfriend of three decades had left a note on the fridge that he would be gone a few days--bucket list.  They had not been getting along well.  He was selling large items that belonged to him, like the motor home and a car.  Then she found a receipt in the garbage can for a $300 antique mug he sent to somebody several states away, where an ex-girlfriend of his lived.  I asked if she wanted me to come and help her pack his shit. 

As I am an evil bitch who zealously protects her friends, I thought up some shit.  After consulting Google regarding common law marriage in Wisconsin, I found that the equivalent is now called co-habitation law.  I provided girlfriend with the details and the name of an asshole attorney.  I took another friend of mine who I had coached in the fine art of divorce to her house, where we proceeded to toss the pole shed for any signs of hidden financial documents or cash.  A search of the house had turned up nothing.  Girlfriend had already searched the house.  Sneaky Pete had his computer with him. 
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Girlfriend called to say Sneaky Pete's brother-in-law had died earlier than expected.  She left a message with Pete, but he didn't call back.  His sister heard from him and he was "cutting his vacation short."  We had brainstormed and rehearsed for plan A, B, and C. 
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My daughter texted to say that Trashcan had made bail.  He left court with the gift of jewelry.  Hope he enjoys his ankle bracelet.