Men Behaving Badly

Gramma,

Tuesday morning I looked at my phone.  My daughter had texted at 10:38 p.m. that Trashcan was arrested.  He had come to her condo, believing that he had a right to be there.  They both called the police. 

I asked for details.  She was at the courthouse and didn't have anything to report.  Her boss was being a jerk about her being off work again.  Trashcan had called him and the corporate office to alert them that she was doing meth.  We joked that as long as she showed up and did her job, it didn't seem to be a problem. 
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Girlfriend stopped in to help make plans for my annual Witch's Ball.  Halloween happens to be her birthday.  She chastised me for not wearing my foot brace.  My foot is not doing well.  Later, she called to say that her boyfriend of three decades had left a note on the fridge that he would be gone a few days--bucket list.  They had not been getting along well.  He was selling large items that belonged to him, like the motor home and a car.  Then she found a receipt in the garbage can for a $300 antique mug he sent to somebody several states away, where an ex-girlfriend of his lived.  I asked if she wanted me to come and help her pack his shit. 

As I am an evil bitch who zealously protects her friends, I thought up some shit.  After consulting Google regarding common law marriage in Wisconsin, I found that the equivalent is now called co-habitation law.  I provided girlfriend with the details and the name of an asshole attorney.  I took another friend of mine who I had coached in the fine art of divorce to her house, where we proceeded to toss the pole shed for any signs of hidden financial documents or cash.  A search of the house had turned up nothing.  Girlfriend had already searched the house.  Sneaky Pete had his computer with him. 
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Girlfriend called to say Sneaky Pete's brother-in-law had died earlier than expected.  She left a message with Pete, but he didn't call back.  His sister heard from him and he was "cutting his vacation short."  We had brainstormed and rehearsed for plan A, B, and C. 
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My daughter texted to say that Trashcan had made bail.  He left court with the gift of jewelry.  Hope he enjoys his ankle bracelet.