What About Bob

Gramma 

Girlfriend's second ex-husband is being buried today.  For the benefit of her son, she has been there for the whole end of life thing.  Bob died of complications created by his own refusal to take care of himself.  He had diabetes and neglected to monitor his blood sugar.  For two weeks before Easter, he had been complaining about how he didn't feel well.  His son kept asking if he wanted to go to the doctor.  No, he would wait awhile longer. 

On Easter, Bob decided he wanted to go to the hospital and Jeremy needed to take him.  Jeremy already had plans for Easter.  Bob, being the selfish, self-absorbed person he is, never gave it a second thought.  A few days later, Jeremy took him home.  Bob began having diarrhea.  Instead of calling the doctor, he called Jeremy to help him clean himself and his bedding. That would be the day when I expect my kids to take care of my shit.  Just kill me now.  Jeremy lives forty minutes away.  This turned into a week long shit storm.  Soon, Jeremy's wife was playing Nancy nurse. 

Bob's liver shut down.  Attempts at dialysis caused fainting from uncontrollable blood pressure.  After the third attempt, the doctors said he should get his final wishes in order.  They assured  Jeremy that none of this was his fault. 

Bob was referred to as "What About Bob," the character in the movie by that name.  Girlfriend divorced him when she began to have obsessive thoughts about killing him.  He refused to unhusband, ingratiating himself with girlfriends third husband.  Bob bought a tiller and grew a massive garden on their property.  He would show up and let himself in the house to do whatever.  They would come home and there would be Bob, sitting in Scott's chair watching tv.  Bob watched the house when they went on vacation.  Refusing to sleep in the spare room, he slept in their bed. 

Girlfriend and I got together after everything was said and done.  When my ex husband dies, I will be pissing on his grave.  We drank to Bob, laughing fondly over Bob's idiosyncrasies.  Bob could weld.  I would bring broken yard furniture over and he would fix it.  When I needed an animal put down, Bob was happy to come over and plug it.  So, here's to you Bob, the husband that finally went away.  We lament that it wasn't husband number three, also being divorced because of persistent thoughts of killing him.