Woodtick Theatre

Gramma

Took the grandkids to The Children's Theatre to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  My girlfriend followed me with her car full of grandkids.  The blind leading the blind, but I have a carbitch.  Actually, I have two carbitches in case one pisses me off.  Lynn drives like the old woman that she is.  For the love of God, NOT ON THE FREEWAY.  She just wouldn't go the speed limit and I am pissing people off trying to go slow enough for her.  Good thing we left early in case of road construction. 

So we get there almost an hour early.  Her kids are way brattier than mine and have never been to such a civilized event.  I know they will cause trouble, so we stay outside, Lynn and I sitting on benches while the kids run wild.  Her kids are running inside the roped off area where grass and flowers have just been planted.  They do not respond to any cease and desist orders.  I think I will not invite them again.  A couple and their child glare at us and go inside.  It's usually me doing the glaring. 

Her granddaughter has mud all over her legs and new white sandals.  She has decided she needs to sing loudly.  She has a serious lisp and can't carry a tune, but Lynn thinks she has talent.  My four-year-old grandson has found a sharpened pencil and is running with it while everyone else tries to get it away from him.  The older grandkids are cheering him on, "Fall, fall, fall," as he tries to climb a wall to the newly planted area.  I am waiting for a grandson who has not been dropped off yet.  It's picture day for his ball team.

After everyone is seated, I go outside to wait for the late grandchild.  During the ten minute wait, a woman in a wheelchair asks if I could do her a kindness and put her Twins ball cap on her head.  It is bright and sunny,  She is waiting for Metro Mobility.  She asks me to connect her camelback hose with her lips.  Then she wants me to unwrap her gum and put it in her mouth,  I asked what happened to her.  MS.  Dave's daughter, my step-daughter died from MS last fall.  This lady has a positive attitude and is giving me her platitudes.  I tell her that she is brave, that I wouldn't be.  I have this recurrent dream that I have a gun and can't pull the trigger because I am disabled like this.

Baseball boy shows up and we go in ten minutes late.  Lynn's two boys are hitting each other and annoying the nice father with wife and kids sitting next to them,  I want to bash their heads together.  Lynn split them up.  When intermission comes, my granddaughter informs me that she has found three woodticks on her during the play.  She has thrown them over the balcony so city kids can enjoy them too.  Awesome.  When the play is over and the lights are up, Bubba is the only one who listens when I tell the kids to pick up all the dropped pretzels and M&M's.  Snacks are not allowed in the theatre. 

Lynn splits off from us on the way home to a shorter route for her.  Now I can go fastly towards the beer and the kids can continue to collect woodticks.  They make me happy twice, when they come and when they go.